Kevin Gregg: How badly should we beat the crap out of him?

Kevin Gregg gave up a 2-run jack to some schmuck last night to blow it for the Cubs in the bottom of the 9th.  This is his 3rd blown save of the season.  So just how badly should we beat the crap out of him?

Kevin:For those of you who are dumb, I am joking.  Kinda.  I looked at his stats and he’s got a 4.18 ERA with 11 saves and 32 K’s.  However, last night I threw an empty beer bottle at my TV I was so pissed off at that douchebag.  Don’t worry, I missed the TV so I can still watch the game tonight.  Gregg is a closer and all closers give the fans of the team they are closing for heart attacks.  That’s the life of the closer.  One day you are a god among men, the next you are Kevin “Cockfosters” Gregg who serves up a 2 run homer in the bottom of the 9th after Hoffpauir gives the Cubs the lead in the 8th with a monstrous homer!  I was going to make this post about weather or not Carlos Marmolshould be the closer but that’s been done to death and I didn’t really want to argue, I just wanted to vent.  Kevin Gregg, you SUCK!  Ok, I think I’m better now.  Well, maybe not, but if the Cubs win tonight then I’ll be better.  Anyway, I really only posted this because the other two members of this blog are lazy bastards and apparently can’t post anything before noon.  And yes, I did say other two members because I no longer consider Brad a contributor to this blog since he hasn’t posted or comment on anything in weeks.  He’s too busy talking about the riots in Iran and misspelling Iranian leaders names.  Even though they just lost 2 games in a row, I do believe they are going to turn it around and put some pressure on the Cards and Brewers in this division.  Anyway, Kevin Gregg sucks, discuss.

Kyle:Yes, Gregg is a flaming pile shit today. I hope he realizes that burning feeling in his loins is because caused by the collective hatred all of Cubdom has for him today. But let’s try to figure this situation out. Kevin is right that the “Marmol to closer” thing has been overdone. Although it seems like the most reasonable way to fix the closer situation, it would only weaken the rest of the bullpen because Marmol is “the guy” and his current role allows him to come in whenever the Cubs need him most. So here are a few alternative suggestions…

1. Make Angel Guzman the closer: With a 2.53 ERA, Guzman is by far the most surprising relief pitcher on the staff. Everyone thought this guy was on his last legs as a professional and now he is the most consistent reliever we have. While he started off a little rough, Guzman has really developed into a decent strikeout pitcher while limiting the number of walks he gives up. That’s what you want in a closer.

2. Make Randy Wells the closer: Wells is young, pitched in the bullpen and brings the heat. It’s really hard to argue against him as a starter, but that fastball coupled with his confidence would be a deadly combo in the ninth. Right now I see this being very unlikely though as the guy is ripping shit up as a starter.

3. Make Rich Harden the closer: I go back and forth on this, but right now I love it. Harden is a strikeout machine (my No. 1 most important quality in a closer) and would probably benefit from pitching less innings over the course of a whole season. This idea essentially worked perfectly last year for the Cubs with Kerry Wood: take a big-time strikeout starter who is injured often and turn him into the closer. Say what you will about Kid K, but the guy got it done last year.

Yeah, so I like those moves, particularly No. 3. I can say for almost certain that the Cubs will NOT be bringing in a new closer via trade or free agency (at least not one who is significantly better than Gregg), so any changes will have to be made from the inside. Cockfosters!

Brian:  You guys and your cockfosters.  I am going to keep this short & to the point.  The questions up for debate here is: “How badly should we beat the crap out of Kevin Gregg?”  First, let me say that I wouldn’t actually like to physically attack anyone, let alone a highly paid professional athlete representing the city of Chicago.  Secondly, what’s the scale of beating crap?  I thought that beating the crap out of someone was on the scale.  For instance, if your friend got his ass kicked, you might say “jeez, _____ got the crap beat out of him” instead of “Cripes, ______ just got into a slapping fight withsome douche” (in the case of a less-intense bout).  Basically, the scale as I understand it is:  slap fight -> crap kicked -> hospitalized.  Anyway, if we are quantifying how much we dislike Kevin Gregg in terms of physical violence perpetrated against… I’m going to stick that clown with a toothpick.  A toothpick covered in habeñero juice!  See, as much as I get aggravated when things like this happen to the Cubs, I understand that Gregg (or anyone closing the game) is in a tough spot.  I do think that the hitter has the toughest job at that point in the game, though.  He has to react to whatever the pitcher tosses.  The pitcher just needs to get the ball over the plate/ past the hitter.  So, I don’t think that KG should necessarily be subjected to more pain than habeñero juice in an open wound.  However, perhaps all baseball GMs should start making closer contracts performance-based.  Specifically in the case of Gregg (last year’s blown-saves leader), adding a stipulation that each blown save costs him x amount of money might just keep his shit together.  Nothing motivates like losing a bunch of money because you suck.