So let’s say for shits and giggles that he does retire.  Where does that put the Bears in the NFC North?

This is entirely based on the story that Brett “I love having ESPN reporters on my front lawn” Favre is actually hanging it up.  Now I know the latest reports have him not making a decision yet but there’s not that much mystery in the division with him on the Vikings.  But shit gets crazy with Tavaris Jackson at QB for Minnesota!

The Packers are now easily at the top of the division with Favre out and some would consider them at the top even if Favre stays.  They’ve got a really well rounded defense with star players on all three levels.  Offensively, it’s all about Aaron Rodgers.  He played great last year even though he was knocked around more than pinata on Cinco de Mayo.  If Rodgers continues to improve and stays healthy then this team is (ughhhh) a series contender.

The Vikings go back to what they were 2 years ago.  They were a good team and can still win the division with Adrian Peterson and their stifling defense.  Percy Harvin, Sidney Rice, their TE with the really hard name to spell, and Peterson make the offense pretty potent even with TJ at the helm.

The Lions are the Lions.  Even though they are much better than the 0-16 of 2 years ago they still are pretty bad.  I really think they had a great draft but even with Suh and Cal’s RB (whatever his name is) they are still really young and have a lot of holes.  If Stafford can continue to progress, this team can become really good in a couple of years.

Now to the team we all care about.  Da Bears.  This team clearly has the most question marks in the division.  The team went out and got a couple of big time free agents to fill out the defense not to mention the fact that Brian Urlacher is coming back.  The defense should be improved with Urlacher back, Peppers, and Harris.  However this team will rely 100% on Cutler and his ability to run the Martz offense.  If Cutler can run the Martz offense effectively, then this offense could be potent.  If he turns the ball over like last year, then we are F’d in the A.

With Favre gone, the Packers are the clear favorites and should run away with the division.   The Vikings defense should put them in contention but without a QB they will ultimately only be able to make it as a wild card.  The Bears need a lot of things to go right.  If they do then watch out, but it’s going to be a tough task.  The Lions are from Detroit and that really sucks for both the Lions and Detroit.

With the All-Star Game upon us, Second String Sports special contributor South Side Tom decided now was the perfect time to answer your questions about how the White Sox and Cubs will fare in the second half of the season. You can send your questions to Tom by e-mailing stringinbox@gmail.com.

We’re halfway done wit da baseball season and da White Sox sit atop da AL Central while da Cubs continue to suck balls like my cheating whore girlfriend, Linda. Hey Linda, fuck you and da Cubs. I’ll see you at dinner, baby. Don’t forget da extra marinara on my meatballs sandwich. Alright, let’s get on wit da questions.

George, LaGrange: Hey Tom, will the Sox win the division? Don’t bullshit me asshole.

Tom: George, I am bullshit free, sir. As such, I regret to inform you da Sox will not be taking da AL Central crown dis season. I feel those Canadian, socialist wannabes in Minnesota will most likely finish in first because they are da most balanced team in da division. But dat doesn’t mean da Sox won’t win da Wildcard and da World Fucking Series. Hell yeah.

Jill, Lockport: Tom, I’m worried about Gordon Beckham. Will he rebound in the second half?

Tom: Jill, da ladies love Beckham. If I was a gay and lived in Wrigleyville, I would totally want to go balls deep in him too. Wit a batting average of .217 and an OBP of .277, I can’t see Bacon saving his season statistically, but he certainly can’t do worse. Let the Brent Lillibridge reign of terror begin.

Marcus, Libertyville: I’m a lifelong Cubs fans and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on Carlos Zambrano. Do you think he’ll ever pitch for the Cubs again?

Tom: Marcus, hahahahahahahahahahaha. Fuck you, asshole. Zambrano is a loudmouthed, short-tempered, attention whore who is as much about self-promoting as he is about pitching. Winners like da White Sox don’t need that shit. Good luck wit dat waste of talent and money.

Raul, Pilsen: Will the White Sox trade for Adam Dunn?

Tom: Raul, I strongly believes GM Kenny Williams will do everything he can to insert a slugger into da White Sox lineup. But wit one of da weakest farm systems in all of baseball, it’s going to be difficult to make a significant trade unless he is willing to give up Matt Thornton. If only there was a free agent slugger available.

John, Evanston: Attendance at Cubs games has been significantly lower this season. Are the fans sending a message to the organization or is it just the product of a rough economy?

Tom: John, you are a douchebag and I hate you. Times have been tough for everyone, including me. They started cutting salaries at the steel mill, so I needed to reorganize my spending habits. All my money goes to paying bills, fixing da house, and buying those annoying W flags so I burn them in my backyard. I think da lack of attendance at Wrigley has more to do wit da economy than anything else. Clearly Cubs fans would rather buy beer than tickets.

Well that’s it for da mailbag. I hope you fuckers had a good time. Now excuse me while I goes take a dump on my neighbor’s Toyota Prius. Fuck da Cubs and all their sponsors.

Questions? Comments? Tips? Hate mail?
Send ‘em to stringinbox@gmail.com

So are the Bulls totally screwed?  Or am I totally being paranoid?

I know that the only people that have signed are players that the Bulls weren’t really after, but the constant reports have me thinking things over.  I originally said I wanted Bosh and Johnson but it looks like Bosh wants to play with Wade and/or Lebron and Johnson is staying in Atlanta.  Now Bosh has also said that he has certain teams he wants to play for next season.  He has also said that he wants a max contract and is not willing to part ways with cash.

So what does that all mean?  It looks like it’s going to be an all or nothing deal for the Bulls.  And Bosh is the key to it all.  If the Bulls can get Bosh to come to Chicago (which he wants to do) then they may be able to bring Wade with him and create the most dominant team in the East.

However, if the Bulls can’t get Bosh/Wade then it looks like they’ll be left with Boozer/Lee leftovers.  This creates a lineup of David Lee, Carlos Boozer, Noah, Rose, and Deng.  A lineup that means they would have gotten rid of Gordon, Salmons, and Hinrick for essentially nothing.  The Bulls would be better but would not be a real contender.

And that Lebron James guy.  Yeah, don’t count on it.  I’m betting on him staying in Cleveland.  Cleveland offers him more opportunity to become a legend.  Bringing a championship to his hometown is more appealing then anything anybody else could offer.  The Cavs just have to prove that they can get the talent needed to help James win a championship.

So now I am going to make a bold prediction and say that if the Bulls are unable to get the high caliber free agents they are trying to get and this team is therefore unable to compete with some of the other teams in the East then Gar Foreman and John Paxson are out of a job.  Wasting an opportunity like this would be one of the biggest screw ups in franchise history.

So who goes where and is this really as important as the press has made it out to be?
If you haven’t seen it there’s a 22 minute “summit” of sports casters on ESPN.com.  It’s the PTI gang of Wilbon and Kornheiser and then a couple of other guys.  It’s pretty boring but if you want to know EVER DAMN SCENARIO then watch it.  Otherwise here’s my 2 cents on this whole thing.

I’ve already said that I think Chris Bosh and Joe Johnson should come to the Bulls.  That’s who I think will come and that’s who I want to come.  But I’d be happy with Wade and/or Lebron in one of those 2 places.   Instead of just posting what I think will happen or what I wish will happen I’m just going to say that I think this media bonanza is RIDICULOUS!

Yes this is the biggest free agent class EVER.   Yes it’s got the back-to-back MVP in it.  Yes it’s got the 3 biggest markets in the country involved.  Yes it will shape and define the NBA for the next 5 years.  But is it worth all the attention it’s been getting.  I mean it’s only basketball.  Just because you sign a big time free agent doesn’t mean your going to win a championship.  Lebron had the best team in the league in Cleveland last year and he got bounced from the playoffs AGAIN!

This will go on for weeks until Lebron, Wade, Bosh, and all the rest of the free agents sign.  I’m already annoyed with it.  Now if some of the crazy trades that are rumored to go down actually happen and you get a team featuring Wade, Lebron, and Bosh then yeah, that’s a big fucking deal.  But I don’t see that happening.  No team has that kind of cash.  You’d have a total of $10 for the rest of the team.

Unless that happens then all this media attention has been overkill and a waste of time.  I’m sick of it and I want it to stop NOW.  Here’s hoping all these guys sign tonight at 11:01 so I only have to hear about it for another couple of days.

So who do you build around and who do you let loose?  That is the question.

Keepers
These are the guys that the Cubs need to keep on the team and build around.  They are young, talented and for the most part proven.

Andrew Cashner (P) Age: 23  He’s not proven but he’s pitched very well so far and the scouts love him.  I expect him to be moved into starting rotation next season.

Carlos Marmol (P) Age: 27 Watching him pitch takes years off of your life but his stuff is nasty.  Just straight filthy.  The slider alone makes him one of the most dangerous pitchers in the NL.

Randy Wells (P) Age: 27 I know he’s had a rough year so far.  He’s 3-6 with and ERA over 5 but he was great last year and I really believe that he’s somebody that can be a solid starter for years.  Not a Cy Young candidate but a solid starter.

Geo Soto (C) Age: 27 Soto was amazing his rookie year and that lead to over exaggerated expectations.  He’s a guy that’s going to hit .270 with 10 HRs a year and that’s solid for a catcher.  More importantly he can handle the staff.

Starlin Castro (SS) Age: 20  HE’S 20!!  His batting average is bad and he’s not a power guy but I think this season is a huge learning season for him.  It’s all about experience.  He’s playing everyday and is seeing MLB pitching all the time.  Expect big things.

Tyler Colvin (OF) Age: 24 This one I’m not so sure about but he’s been impressive so far this season.  He’s young, fast, talented and has the ability to give the Cubs something they’ve been missing the last couple of years, a left handed power hitter.

Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye
These guys have one foot out the door and it makes the most sense for the Cubs to get something out of it.

Ted Lilly (P) Age: 34 He’s been fantastic for the Cubs and he’s one of the best pick ups in Jim Hendry career in Chicago but he’s got a lot of value and a large contract.  I’ll miss you Theodore Roosevelt.

Derrek Lee (1B) Age: 34 Lee and Lilly are in the same boat and both would be sorely missed.  He’s been the face of the franchise and has had some amazing years here in Chicago.  There’s nothing bad I can say about him.  Forever a Cub.

Tom Gorzelanny (P) Age: 31  It would be Silva in this spot if not for Silva’s gigantic contract.  Sorry Tommy Go-Go, you’ve been solid with your ability to eat innings and look like sloth.

If wishing made it so
Guys with huge contracts that aren’t worth it but we can’t get rid of them.

Carlos Zambrano (P) Age: 29 Up until this past weekend I would say keep this guy but I am now officially sick and tired of his antics and his inability to get people out.  Have fun in the bullpen asshole.

Kosuke Fukudome (OF) Age: 33 Never prospered into the player the Cubs had hoped he’d be when they signed him.  I don’t think he’s a bad player, I just think he was overpaid and over hyped.

Alfonso Soriano (OF) Age: 34 Do I really need to explain this one?

Aramis Ramirez (3B) Age: 32 I don’t know if he’s just been hurt this whole time or if he’s on the back end of his career or both or neither but he’s been awful.  The best hitter on the Cubs the past 5 years is now the worst.  I can’t explain it.

You were supposed to pause everytime I had a comma.  It was suppose to sound like Captain Kirk from Star Trek aka William Shatner.  Get it?  Good.  So yeah anyway, that happened.

I’m going to make this post pretty short because I’m tired and I want to go to bed.  As I wrote that last sentence I thought of this scene from Jaws. Put that has literally nothing to do with post.  I just really like that scene of the movie.

So anyway (awkward pause)….  the Bulls have a deal in place to get rid of Captain Kirk to free up even more cap space for the free agency bonanza that starts July 1st.  With this deal done, the Bulls would be able to afford not 1 but 2 top tier free agents.  That would mean that theoretically Lebron James and Dwayne Wade could both come to Chicago.  W.O.W.

I don’t think that will happen, but it’s technically possible with this deal.  In reality, I think this deal sets up a Chris Bosh/Joe Johnson signing.  It makes much more sense and would still make this Bulls team a top contender in the Eastern Conference.

As much as I love Kirk, and I do because I always felt he had a presence on the team unlike anybody else, I love this deal.  IF we get 2 top tier free agents.  IF we don’t then we lose a proven team leader.  A solid defender.  And a team and fan favorite.  Then again getting both Chris Bosh and Joe Johnson would make this team freakin’ fantastic and close up pretty much every weakness.

The starting lineup would be Derreck Rose, Joe Johnson, Loul Deng, Chris Bosh, and Joakim Noah.  That puts this team right up there with the Celtics, Magic, and Cavs (2009/2010 version).

Few things are more devastating to the Internet than a team unloading a fan-favorite. The apocalyptic rain storm that kept everyone at their computers didn’t help ease the endless bitching either.

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know much about ice soccer hockey. But I do understand that sports is all about cash money, and that’s the reason Byfuglien is gone. Although the departure of Buff might not have an immediate payoff, it will give the Blackhawks the financial flexibility to retain Patrick Sharp, Kris Veersteeg or Andrew Ladd in the future.

Dustin had a great playoff performance, but his career stats suggest he’s a much more average player than he showed the last month of the season (click here for a fairly comprehensive breakdown of the numbers). Although it may not make much sense to you, the Blackhawks are using simple economics. Demand is high and supply is low for players like Byfuglien. The Hawks did a good job of getting maximum value from a guy who might have maxed out.

Let’s just be thankful Buff never reached 2008 Ryan Theriot popularity. If the Cubs traded him when his value was at its highest, there would have been blood in the streets of Wrigleyville.

Questions? Comments? Tips? Hate mail?
Send ‘em to stringinbox@gmail.com

Will any more teams join the Big Ten?
Apparently Notre Dame, Missouri, and Kansas are all still possibilities to join.  Apparently Notre Dame is a long way away from joining because financially it doesn’t make sense for them.  Missouri and Kansas are more likely going to join since it makes sense financially.  They will likely only jettison if the rest of the Big 12 bounces like Colorado did.  Rumour has it that Texas, Texas A&M, Oklahoma and Oklahoma State all may leave for the Pac-10.  If they all leave, then expect Kansas or Missouri or both to head towards the Big 10.

Will the split the conference into divisions?
This question is pretty simple.  Yes.  They will split it into 2 divisions so that they can have a championship game and therefore make even more money.

How will they split the conference?
My guess is that they are going to do a East-West split with 6 teams in each.  That would mean Penn St., Ohio St., Michigan, Michigan St., Purdue and Indiana would be in the East and Illinois, Northwestern, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, and Nebraska would be in the West.  I guess they could also do a North-South split but that doesn’t look so clear cut with how they would split them.  Plus, that might screw up some of the rivalries between schools.  The East-West split also makes sense because it would essentially set up games that would make the conference the most amount of money.  Penn St, Ohio St. and Michigan would all still play each other every year which would bring in the most cash for the conference.

How will Nebraska fit into the conference?
Nebraska is a football school so they’ll fit in perfectly there.  They will be obsolete in basketball but that’s really not important.  They are a powerhouse in football and would create a real rivalry with Ohio St. since they are more than likely going to play each other in the conference championship game pretty regularly.  They’d also have a pretty solid rivalry with Wisconsin since those are the best 2 programs in the West.

What will they call the conference?
This all depends on if any more teams join the conference.  But as it stands right now there are a couple ideas I’ve had.  There’s the Super12 conference (That’s just a shout out to Brian).  Since it’s a Midwest conference, they could change the name to the Mid-12.  Or maybe they would just change it to the Midwest Conference.  More than likely they’ll keep Big so Big-14 is most likely if they can get 2 more teams.  Who the hell knows?

Who called it?
I did!  Booya!  Check out the comments section of Kyle’s blog from May 5th.  Nailed it!  Face!

So of course Thibodeau couldn’t sign fast enough. The question is why the hell did the Bulls choose him?

Now the Bulls haven’t made a statement about the hiring because they aren’t suppose to until the Finals are over and Thibodeau is done coaching for the Celtics.  So their exact reasoning is not known.  And I really want to hear their explanation.  Thibodeau has never been a head coach in the NBA.  He has only been an assistant.  He’s coached for Boston, Minnesota, San Antonio, Houston, New York, and Philadelphia.  All as an assistant.  The only head coaching experience he has was with a D-II college.

Even though he has no head coaching experience in the NBA, Thibodeau was apparently very sought after by teams in the NBA.  The Hornets and Nets both interviewed him before he signed with the Bulls.  Several coaches gave Thibodeau great praise and refereed to him as a “work horse”, saying that he spent a large amount of his time in the office reviewing tape and working.  Only good things have been said about this guy.

That being said, I don’t get this move.  The Bulls went out and signed a guy with NO experience as a head coach in the NBA.  None what-so-ever.  The Bulls are in a critical stage.  They have a very young team that has a lot of talent but they also have a lot of holes to fill.  The right mix of a head coach and a big name free agent this summer could vault this team into a contender for years to come and could bring championships back to Chicago.

Hiring a guy with no experience is extremely risky.  Can this guy handle the pressure of coaching in Chicago with huge expectations while still being able to handle the egos of these young players while being able to implement a style of play that will fit this team?  Nobody knows.  Nobody could possibly know that.  And that’s scary.

And what happens when Thibodeau puts his two cents in when in comes to signing a free agent this summer?  What if it is different from what Paxson and Gar are thinking?  What happens if the relationship between between the front office and the coach deteriorates just like it did with Del Negro?  These are all serious questions that are brought up by the hiring of Tom Thibodeau.

These questions would not be brought up if the Bulls had gone out and made an offer to say…. Byron Scott.  A former NBA Coach of the Year and a coach who has lead a team to the NBA finals.  Scott is an experienced coached who not only has experience as a head coach but has experience with top flight point guards (Chris Paul and Jason Kidd).  Scott has the experience to lead a young group of players and take the Bulls from being a promising team to a championship team.

I don’t know why the Bulls picked Thibodeau over Scott.  Maybe Scott had said he wasn’t really interested in coaching.  Maybe Scott loves ESPN.  I don’t know.  Hopefully this move works out for the best but I really don’t understand it at all.  Maybe somebody can explain it to me before the NBA Finals are over and I hear the edited/dumbed-down version the Bulls release.

Simple, get Aramis Ramirez fixed.  No, not neutered, I meant fix him so that he starts hitting.  How do you do that?  Send him for a rehab stint to the minors?

To be honest I didn’t come up with this idea myself.  This was mentioned to me after I told somebody that the Cubs had lost to the Pirates (AGAIN) 2-1.  He said that the Cubs should send Ramirez down to the minors.  I scoffed.  Yes, scoffed.  I may have called him an idiot as well.  I said that was a terrible idea.  I said that that would be a huge mistake.  In fact another person sitting next to me even agreed with me.  We were baffled by such a blatantly ridiculous statement.  I hadn’t heard such a ridiculous statement since I was told to split tens while playing blackjack (I was actually in Vegas this weekend so there may be a more than a few gambling references).

And then I thought about it.  Why not send Aramis down for a few days.  Let him get 5 at bats a game and work on his mechanics and try and figure out what’s going on?  It’s better than benching him and having his money go to waste, isn’t it?  I think everybody can agree that Ramirez is the key to the Cubs making any kind of push for the division this year.  Without his bat in the middle of the lineup, this team is weaker that 7-2 off-suit (there’s another one!  However I didn’t actually play any poker while in Vegas).

Maybe it will mess with Ramirez mentally, but it’s not like he could be playing much worse.  I’m leaning towards the idea for the simple fact that the Cubs are pretty desperate.  I mean they sent Carlos Zambrano to the freakin’ bullpen!  Why not send Ramirez down to the minors for a little while and see if that helps him fix his swing?

Baker and Fontenot can platoon at third for a while longer.  They say you never walk a way from a heater (Craps, in case you were wondering what game I was talking about) and while none of these guys should be considered a heater, Ramirez is a cold fish and the Cubs need to walk away.

It’s a little out there and it goes against everything my gut tells me but hell, what do the Cubs have to lose?

P.S. Pai Gow Poker is the way to go for anybody going to Vegas anytime soon.